August 2016

I am so sorry that I haven't updated recently! I just want to take a moment to thank you all for praying and for your support. We have seen leaps and bounds in my mum's speech--she's actually finishing her speech therapy and has exercises to do at home now. But her speech is almost completely normal!!

Mum is also seeing improvement in her walking. While she still doesn't have much control of her leg muscles, she does have control of her hip and has figured out to swing her leg and walk quite well. In fact, she is using just a cane and has been practicing walking without it at her therapy.

Her right arm is a sore spot, literally. She feels her arm, but has no control. Due to the inability to move her muscles, her shoulder keeps coming out of socket and dropping down. She has various braces that she's using, but sometimes they affect her hand and cause pain. The occupational therapists are working with her on this and trying to improve the situation. Please pray for her to regain ability with her arm.

Although she can't drive, she has become so much more mobile and independent in the house! Her friend from Germany, Pixie, has been staying with my parents for the past month and has been such a huge help with meals and cleaning. We have had so many wonderful friends volunteer for driving for therapy! I am working on helping prep meals so that she can cook using the crockpot starting next week. Cleaning is a tough thing, though, since I come with three kids and it's a bit of a struggle.

Please continue to pray for encouragement for Mum and strength for Dad through this time. And again, we are so thankful for all your prayers and support. God bless.

~~~
I've been reading The Music of His Promises by Elisabeth Elliot. I thought these two meditations might be encouraging...

The Way Appointed

It was the supper with Jesus' disciples, on the night before He was crucified, that He told them He was going "the way appointed." That meant betrayal, by one of the very men sharing the same meal with Him, and crucifixion, at the hands of those who had arranged to pay this man. Yet in and through those terrible things that were to happen to Him, Jesus never for a moment thought of Himself as sole in their hands, at their mercy. He was held in the will of the Father. There was sovereign purpose in it all; the way He must travel was no accident of fate. It was appointed, assigned, a date with destiny. He accepted it as such.

What agonies we would spare ourselves if we should remember that ours, too, is a way appointed. We need not every imagine that our circumstances are in any other hands than those that held the beloved Son obedient to death.

What Is Trust?

To the unbeliever, the notion of "trust" in God is a challenge to Him to grant what one wants. When Jesus hung nailed to the cross, passerby hurled abuse at Him: "Come down. Save yourself!" The chief priests, lawyers and elders (learned, logical leaders) mocked Him: "King of Israel, indeed! Let Him come down from the cross and then we will believe Him. Did He trust in God? Let God rescue Him!" (Matt. 27:42-43)

Real trust yield utterly to the one trusted. All desire is turned over to that one, believing his ability to manage, control, and finally accomplish what is best. When we pray, we should beware lest we line ourselves up with the mockers of Jesus--"If You do such and such, then I will trust You!" We need to learn rather to let God rescue us in His own way. It may not be escape from suffering, but death--followed by so much more glorious a rescue--resurrection!

Lord, teach me this trust.

July 20, 2016

Found some time to sit down and think through the many thoughts swirling around my head...and to remind myself of truths in scripture...(and don't you love this photo that my brother took of my mum recently?!)...

It is so easy to look around and feel like things are unfair…why is it that my mum, who was on the brink of “retiring” from homeschooling and who was looking forward to teaching geometry and who reaches out to so many, why did this happen to her? The Manana (grandma) that my kids had was one who could run around with them and take them on adventures. Her peers in life are able to grocery shop and clean their houses. It’s so easy to mourn what was lost…the mobility and health that she had. It’s so easy to think that the purpose in life on earth is the American dream…ease, comfort and plenty. But that’s not what God promises us. He promises us something even better—Himself as our Father and His love.

“See how great a love the Father has bestowed upon us, that we should be called children of God; and such we are.” 1 John 3:1

And He has us on earth for a bigger purpose than living an American dream. As I see bits of news day after day the fallenness of the world around us is evident. We have lived in a safe bubble for quite some time. But God has called us to be lights in the darkness. How are we going to be His lights if we don’t live in darkness? If we don’t respond differently? If we don’t go through trials, if everything is good and we’re happy, that doesn’t show much. But when times are hard, and we can still find joy in Christ, then we show something different.

“Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure. Do all things without complaining and disputing, that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and preverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast the word of life, so that I may rejoice in the day of Christ that I have not run in vain or labored in vain.” Philippians 2:12-16

Studying Philippians during this time has been a huge blessing when I have “down” days, and the previous study in Ephesians has also been a huge blessing! I’m so thankful my mum coordinated studying these books of the Bible…they really help me refocus when things look so overwhelming and I wonder why…

“For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.” Ephesians 2:10

That is what we were created for! Good works, that bring glory to God…isn’t that so exciting? I love having a purpose. I love being reminded of my purpose in life in moments when sadness over what’s lost overwhelms me. We can remember that we have a purpose that can be fulfilled regardless of ability or mobility…and I know that God is using my mum for the good works He created beforehand for her! Her attitude has been such an example and blessing in this time! I know that her showing joy in struggle is one of the good works God had for her and I look forward to seeing how God continues to use my mum’s life to touch others and point them to Him. And I also am so thankful that “This is the promise which He Himself made to us: eternal life,” 1 John 2:25. This world isn’t the end. I think it doesn’t hurt to end with this reminder from John again: “These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”

I find that I get stressed easily and worried about future potential problems…and I needed these reminders… I would appreciate prayer for being emotionally present for my kids, not distracted by all that needs to be done, and that I would continually point them to Christ. I love that because of what they’ve seen Manana go through, we’ve had some great discussions about heaven and how God will one day heal all of us. And they are not phased in the least by her physical limitations now...we can still go on walks together (albeit it may look a bit different), she's still a major part of their lives and reads and colors and does puzzles with them and holds the baby! I know that worrying won’t make things happen (remembering Matthew 6…) and thanks to so many of our lovely friends, we have had all the needs taken care of. God has been providing in so many ways.

Love,
Hannah

July 11, 2016

Have you ever noticed Psalm 56:8, "You number my wanderings; put my tears into Your bottle; are they not in Your book?"

This verse was one I never really noticed before... I mean, I have read this verse, but it never struck me like it has recently. It really shows how much God loves us and cares for us, how much He values knowing us.

Psalm 56:11, 13 are equally encouraging: "In God I have put my trust; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? ...For You have delivered my soul from death. Have You not kept my feet from falling, that I may walk before God in the light of the living?"

We recently received news about the passing of a mom from church...please pray for my sisters. She was a friend to each of them and this is hard. Please pray for her family...her youngest is only 8. My heart aches for all the kids and for her husband. It may seem strange to be thinking about Psalm 56...a psalm rejoicing about being delivered from death in the wake of a death. But all that dies, when we trust in Christ, is the physical body....our souls are delivered from death the moment we put our trust in Christ! What a beautiful promise and truth!

My dad often reminds us that eternal life starts now...when we accept Christ, eternal life has begun! We have a relationship with the Holy God, the Everlasting Father! A relationship that will continue on for an eternity! That doesn't make it easy to say goodbye...it doesn't make it easy to see suffering and pain on this earth. I feel like this weekend has been full of news of pain and death. Such reminders that we live in a fallen world. But it's a beautiful reminder that God keeps our tears in a bottle...He doesn't forget the pain...and Jesus has suffered also and can relate to us in our sadness and suffering and weakness. When His friend Lazarus died, Jesus wept with Mary and Martha (John 11). Jesus is right here with us as we go through pain and suffering...He's right there with all those who have died this week, with family members weeping for loved ones, with Christians who are being persecuted for their faith...

I love Hebrews 4:13-16, "Seeing then that we have a great High Priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find help in the time of need."

It has been encouraging seeing the progress that my mum is making. Her speech is so improved! She's able to speak on the phone now and gave a speech for Josh's graduation celebration last night! She's also figured out how to use the little mobility she has in her right hip to swing her leg and use her walker to get around! Her attitude is incredible! I'm so thankful for her joy in the midst of this struggle. She's a huge inspiration! I was not feeling motivated to start strengthening my post-pregnancy core, but watching my mum work on the rowing machine and diligently work on walking has convicted me!

One thing I struggle with is when I'm asked when my mum will be "better." While we were told that her speech will most likely recover, doctors don't know about the arm and leg. We have heard of similar strokes and in some cases, complete mobility was regained within the first year. And in other cases, mobility was never regained. So I don't know how to answer that question...she is better than the day she had the stroke. She is improving, but she may never be "all better" while on the earth. Juanito pointed out that once Manana (what he calls my mum) is in heaven, she'll have a new body that's not broken. But we don't know what her body will be able to do for now on earth. I do know she will learn how to do more with or without more mobility. It will get easier for her to do things with her left hand and leg! And she's learning to compensate for lack of mobility on the right.

I am so thankful for all the offers for help with housework, for all the meals for my family, and for all the offers to help visit with my mum and take her to appointments. We are working on a Google calendar (if you want to be added, email me at berry31@gmail.com) to coordinate everything. Before she moves, Elizabee is helping me brainstorm what needs there will be at home (from helping with neatening up the house to taking Mum grocery shopping to sitting and having tea with her). It's so easy for me to be anxious about all the details for the care of my mum, my grandmothers and my own household, but I know that being anxious doesn't do anything....So I'm trying to mediate on Matthew 6:25-34. And I'd appreciate prayer for peace during this season since anxiety won't help anything get done! (But telling myself that doesn't always help....thus trying to focus on the truth in scripture...)

Matthew 6:25-34: "Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." (Emphasis mine.)

In closing, I'm thanking God that He knows our needs...He cares for us! And the Spirit is interceding!

Romans 8:26-27, "Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groaning which cannot be uttered. Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God."

Some days are encouraging, some days are so hard. I feel like so often I'm on an emotional roller coaster. But I'm so thankful for God's word that speaks directly to my soul.

Thanks for continued prayer and support. God bless.

Love,
Hannah

July 1, 2016

While I am so excited that Mum is getting to go home tomorrow, sometimes I am overwhelmed by the thought of all the details for her care. Even though I'm not the one in charge, I feel for my Dad! Sometimes I'm overwhelmed by the thought of how much work is ahead of her for physical healing...

While I was processing this last night, John 16:33 came to mind, "These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world."

We're promised tribulation, but we're also given good news--Jesus has overcome the world! And then I went back to read what "these things" are, since "these things" allow us to experience peace...Christ used the word "these things" all the way back in John 16:1, earlier in John 15:11, and earlier in John 14:25. So I went back to John 13:31, where Jesus begins teaching His disciples after the Passover.

Here are just some of the beautiful reminders I found:

John 13:31, "...Now the Son of Man is glorified, and God is glorified in Him."

John 14:2-3, "In My Father's house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would not have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again to receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also."

John 14:16-18, "And I will pray to the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever--the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees Him nor knows Him; but you know Him, for He dwells with you and will be in you. I will not leave you orphans; I will come to you."

John 14:19, "...Because I live, you will live also."

John 14:21, "...And he who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I will love him and manifest Myself to him."

John 14:26-27, "But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance the things that I said to you. Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you..."

John 15:3, "You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you."

John 15:5, "I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing."

John 15:16, "You did not choose Me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should remain..."

And the reminders go on and on... really, if you have some time, I encourage you to read John 13-16. And John 17 also...Jesus prayed a beautiful prayer for us, His followers.

Finally, I want to share this short devotion from "The Music of His Promises" by Elisabeth Elliot. A friend passed this to me and it has been such a great encouragement during this time...

The Music of His Promises

On dark days when the only song we feel like singing is a dirge, we can pray, "Let the music of thy promises be on my tongue" (Ps. 119:172). This is no tear-jerking ballad of how I'm feeling. The promises of God will lift me right out of sad sentimentality and put music in my mouth if I will think steadily on them. Here's one to sing: "Unfailing love enfolds him who trusts in the Lord" (Ps. 32:10).

Do you feel nothing of the kind? When did the validity of the Eternal Word rest on the mood of one of His poor children?

Let the promise be the song you sing. He will hear it and make it true for you.

Thanks for all the prayers and encouragement. Writing out my thoughts each week has been so helpful for my processing and I'm really just sharing what I've been expressing to God during this time.

Love,
Hannah

June 28, 2016

My prayer is that throughout life's struggles, that our stories would point to Jesus Christ.

“Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God, but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross. Therefore God also has highly exalted Him and given Him the name which is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of those in heaven, and of those on earth, and of those under the earth, and that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.”
‭‭Philippians‬ ‭2:5-11‬ ‭NKJV‬‬


I hope the song encourages you all as well.

Love,
Hannah

June 25, 2016

I woke up with this Psalm and song running through my head:

“O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth! You have set your glory above the heavens. Out of the mouth of babies and infants, you have established strength because of your foes, to still the enemy and the avenger. When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him? Yet you have made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor. You have given him dominion over the works of your hands; you have put all things under his feet, all sheep and oxen, and also the beasts of the field, the birds of the heavens, and the fish of the sea, whatever passes along the paths of the seas. O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth!”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭8:1-9‬ ‭ESV‬‬


Thanks for praying and I hope this encourages you as well this morning! We serve a great God!!!

One more thought....

I often debate about sharing where I'm at because I don't want people to misunderstand. I am truly so thankful to God for the fact that my mum is alive and that she's improving! I'm thankful she still has all of her mind! I'm thankful for the hope of heaven. But other times sadness overwhelms me. And I feel guilty that I'm sad because I know we have so much to be thankful for. But then I remember the hope of heaven and that I don't think it's wrong to be sad because God made us perfect and sin has ruined life as it was meant to be and we'll see that perfection again in heaven. Anyway, that's all to say, I'm trying to share honestly because I know that is has encouraged my faith in the past when others going through hard times have been honest and not given pat happy answers all the time, but have shown the struggle. And more importantly, they've shown God's strength through that struggle. There is so much joy and so much sorrow at the same time. Sure makes us long for heaven, right?

Thanks for all your prayers and practical help!!!

God bless.

Love,
Hannah

June 24, 2016

If you missed my first post, I'm sharing as I process my mum's recent stroke. You can read my first post here.

I feel like prior to Mum’s stroke, I was sort of on cruise control. Or a zombie state of mind with a newborn and lethargic but not just in life, also in my spiritual walk. When stuff like this happens, it makes you think! I have to either trust God completely or I’d be overwhelmed with loss at the purpose of life. Although I haven’t had much extended time to spend studying God’s word (I’m still in the infant sleep-deprived stage of life with two toddler helpers), I’ve found myself having to cry out to God for strength… I keep holding onto 2 Corinthians 12:9-11, “But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

I feel so weak right now. When I think about what is to come, how much life is changing and how many details there are, I feel overwhelmed. When I see photos of my mum earlier this month when she was physically able to do so much, I often want to cry. When I come home to realize that I still have three loads of laundry and the kids drawers are empty and the dirty dishes are still in the sink, sometimes I want to cry. I think God is using this to work away at my heart and desire for control of my environment. When life is going smoothly, I don’t feel an urgent need for Christ. Right now I’m feeling my urgent need for Christ! I know my mum is feeling her urgent need for Christ, as is the rest of our family.

I’m remembering James 1:2-4, “My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.” And Philippians 1:6, “that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” It is so encouraging that all hardships in life are what God is using to perfect us into the image of His Son! And we have this hope, “We know that when He appears, we will be like Him, because we will see Him just as He is,“ 1 John 3:2. Praise God for that!

In the fall, I wrote a blog post about how to encourage our sponsored children when they experience tragedies: When Your Sponsored Child Experiences Tragedy. I’m finding all the truths and thoughts I had shared with our sponsored kids to be speaking to my soul during this time. If you have a chance to read it, I encourage you to do so.

Thanks again to all for praying. Please know that as I read notes and see the prayer list and meal train and see your names, I have been praying for you also.

Love,
Hannah

June 17, 2016

On June 12, my mum had a stroke. She's quite young and it was completely unexpected. I have been writing some emails/posts as I process and work through this new struggle in life. I thought I would share them here for two reasons... First, this blog has become a bit like my journal and where I keep the important information about our sponsored kids like pastor's letters and project director's letters. This is another huge aspect of my life and I would like to have it documented, per say. The second is that I hope that it will encourage my readers in their faith. I will be sharing posts on Sundays until I stop writing them...the date that they were originally written is the post name.

A week ago my mum had a stroke.... She's one of the healthiest people I know and eats well and exercises. Turns out she has a hole in her heart and the hole allowed a blood clot to pass through one side of the heart to the other and then up into her brain. A genetic trait passed down unknown to her. I had prepared for this mentally with grandparents. I had thought that caring for my parents would be years down the road. Just goes to show that we're not guaranteed anything regarding life and health. But the fact that she's alive also shows that God is in complete control and that “The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.” Proverbs‬ ‭16:9‬ ‭ESV‬‬.

I have a lot of thoughts and have been trying to process this week and the changes in our lives. I have so much to be thankful for...that Mum is still alive! That she has all her mental capacity. That she's improving!! We've seen relationships restored, had opportunities to share about God and have seen the number of lives Mum has touched. I'm so thankful that the doctor thinks she will regain her speech. And I'm hopeful she'll get some mobility back.

I know that God has a purpose and a reason... ““I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted.” Job‬ ‭42:2‬ ‭ESV‬‬. I know that He is using this for our good (including Mum's) and His glory (Romans 8:28).

But, that does not mean this is easy. It does not mean that my mum is doing great. It doesn't mean I'm always encouraged. Yes, we see progress. From Sunday. But I also remember last week when she was helping my kids jump in the waves of the ocean. When she was leading Bible study and expressing her thoughts with ease. It's so hard to see her in pain, frustrated with thoughts trapped in her head. With frustration that she can't move her arm and leg. Yes, she's doing so much better than Monday. But she's not doing well physically. This is hard. She has an amazing attitude and heart and joy in the midst of this suffering. It truly is suffering. Seeing Mum like this makes me yearn for heaven when “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”” Revelation‬ ‭21:4‬ ‭ESV‬.

Again, I am thankful for so much. I'm hopeful for what is to come. I'm so glad that my mum can still be a part of our lives! I'm thankful that she can lift me up in prayer as before. But this is life changing for her, for all of us. I know most of my posts are positive and hopeful. I want you to know that this is so hard. We see some good that is coming out of this so far! And we praise God for it. But we also cry out and lean on God for strength when we feel overwhelmed at the magnitude of how hurt Mum is, at how long this road is going to be. Thank God for this truth: “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians‬ ‭12:9-10‬ ‭ESV‬‬. Please pray for God's name to be made great in the midst of our struggles and hardship.

Finally, it's been overwhelming (in a good way) to see all the support and prayers from friends all over the world. It's been incredible to see how many people Mum has pointed to Christ and encouraged. I'm copying texts and emails and Facebook messages into a book for her to have. I think it will really encourage her in this walk. Thank you for everything. For food, childcare, shoulders to cry on, sweet messages, tips and advice and most especially for praying.

Much love,
Hannah